Aww, man, they killed Danny! (You bastards!)

Listen, God, I know I don’t believe you and whatnot, but that’s cool; we can still be buds, right? Nice. Rock on. So, anyway, as we sip on some gin, maybe some juice, I’m thinking we might be able to barter a bit. How’ bout you return Dan to us and I’ll give you, say, Sheryl Crow? She’s moderately attractive, not a great singer, and did I mention she’s not too difficult to look at?

Not enough? Okay, fine. I was going to offer up Bono, but the Insta-Princess would kill me, and no offense, Your Mightiness, but on a day-to-day basis I tend to fear her more. (See, you might send a lightning bolt and frazzle my fizzle in an instant, but she’d make my expiration date last for daaaays. Ever play Monopoly? Same thing, only with cheese graters.) So, I’ll give you that Crow dame, and you can also have Josh Groban.

I almost said Michael Bolton, but at the last moment I realized Groban’s afro scared me more than Bolton’s bald spot.

So, Crow and Groban? How about it? Truly, they are Leaders of the Bland.

Awaitin’ Your Thumbs-Up,

Skippy