I voted today.

“But, Skippy,” you say, “didn’t it hurt? The big kids, the ones who stand behind the school and smoke cigarettes, they say it’s painful.”

It ain’t painful, baby, it’s nice. And exciting. And in some places, a little warm and moist. You might be frightened the first time you do it; you might be scared and try to pull away at the last moment, but don’t worry. The fear only lasts the first few seconds, and soon after–your face flushed with excitement–you’re enjoying the pushing, the pointing, the tell-tale signs of pleasure as you pick and prefer, almost grunting in delight as the screen glows and responds to your skillful touch; a seductive yes to this, a demur no to that, an initiative, a referendum, a recall, a representative, a pres-e-dent; and then, just as you feel you can’t enjoy one more sheer ounce of it, where you’ve reached the apex, the peek, the golly gee whiz end-all muthafuggingcrescendo of a quaking, shivering poke and prod of the Cast Ballot button–

–it’s over. You even sigh a little.

“I wanna do it again!” you insist. “I betcha I can even make it last longer.”

No doubt, no doubt. But, don’t be greedy, let others grab a piece. There’ll be another time, I promise. In the meantime, talk to your pals, your buddies, your comrades; see if they’ve voted, and if not, entice them with your own story. After all, sometimes it can be more fun in groups.